Through A Different Doorway
I have always been interested in what makes a moment of change possible when it wasn’t before. What brings us to a place of shift, where we can lift up our foot and put it down into a new world, or open a new door?
Sometimes it is a matter of having cultivated a new perspective, or having experienced something that lets us know our true strength, or perhaps allowed us to grow empathy for ourselves or another. Sometimes we see that a story we have been telling ourselves about ourselves or a certain situation, just isn’t true. And sometimes it is just having reached a certain age, or the certain knowledge that we must express ourselves, regardless of whether we fit into the cultural narrative or meet the expectations of others. It might not have to do with us alone, but be an intersection of larger timing, an event in our life and a moment of opportunity. The ground has been prepared, there is a tipping point, and we tip.
We often know what we want to do - or need to do – but find ourselves seemingly powerless. We can try and try but not be able to anchor new habits or make the changes we want to make. We know the benefits and want to do it, but often find ourselves back at square one, feeling like a failure and that something is fundamentally wrong with us. Everyone else can seem to manage it...why can’t we?
When women reach menopause, what I often hear is “if not now, when?” You will be much better prepared to face or create a moment of change – and have more courage to do so – once you have looked at the things that have brought you to this moment in life. What were the pieces of the puzzle that got laid down in this particular pattern? What were the stories that formed your identity as a woman? How did they shape you?
Why we engage in long-standing patterns that began when we were very young is sometimes the hardest thing to tease out, because we don’t remember why they started in the first place. The patterns just seem to live somewhere in our bodies, invisibly pulling the strings. Following the breadcrumbs back into the past, so that we can understand how they first came to be, and why, is a great first step. Here are some questions to get you started:
What stories do you use most often to support your current view of yourself – why you are ‘stuck’, why the change you want to make ‘just wouldn’t work’ right now? Think of two or three.
Do you really even believe them yourself?
Whose voices went into creating these stories?
If you don’t believe they are really true, think back to the earliest time you can remember that you began describing yourself or your pattern in this way.
Remember, there is what happened, and then the story we tell about what happened, to ascribe meaning to it. If we are able to see the story we tell through more objective eyes, shift happens.
Everything is being made new in the spring...it is a great time to take that step - make a change you have been wanting to make.
